FUCK.

I have to hold my chest really tight
Squeeze my arms together
To keep it together.

If I don't
I'm afraid my insides will fall out
And onto the ground
For everyone to stare at.

And then I will scream.

I want to smash things against walls
And tell Ms. Bradshaw exactly where she can put
Her countless impromptus
And stupid pretentious attitude.

And then I would feel bad
Because she's nice
And pity-able.

I want to cry and cry
But not alone
With someone here
Who will not judge me
But will silently rub my back
Until I go to sleep.






Instead
I sit in my room
Stare at my wall
Distract myself
So that I will not
Think
Until I am so exhausted
That I can
Sleep.