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Thursday, April 12


Written by Mike of Go Set Go:

"There's a big part of this whole immigration thing that has been completely overlooked. I mean, sure, we need to protect our borders against wily Canadians trying to steal our Animation and Film Director jobs. I'm all for building a wall. A gigantic wall that can be seen from outer space. But really truthfully, the thing I don't understand, and the thing that no one's saying anything about is the immigrant winds that roll in off the ocean. Where are they from? Whose country do they pledge allegiance too? Just showing up and blowing down trees and knocking over telephone poles, and being all...blowy. Stupid wind. I think we need to build a gigantic wind-breaker over the oceans to keep out these foreign winds. I suspect they don't even speak English.

Right now, as I write this, there's a wind howling outside my window. Wait a minute. The word window has wind in it. What's that about? Maybe it's a amalgm of the words "wind" and "ow". Ow being the word for ouch. Like, if the wind hits the window, it gets hurt. Stupid wind. Serves it right. I bet that's probably why it's howling. But of course, does it give up and return to its country? No? It just hangs around, making a mess of my hair, disrupting my napkin collection. And my cat-hair collection. And it totally wreaks havok on my used paper collection. It never shuts up. Just howling, and howling, and howling. Is there another word for what wind does other than howl? I guess screaming, and hooting, and thundering might also work. But I don't think I could look a hooting wind in the face without laughing.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like mild winds. Cooling winds. Breezy winds. But when they become gales, and hurricanes, and gusts, and cyclones, and typhoons, and zephyrs, and flurries, well, then I start to get a bit angry. It'd be like if a bunch of Canadians were to visit our country and then start knocking over trashcans and tearing down trees. I mean, that's piss me off too. Unless they were funny Canadians, like Bill Murray, and Jean Luc Picard, and Mighty Mouse. Then I'd just laugh. And I'd keep laughing. Because Canadians, really truthfully, are just much funnier than most Americans. I think it has to do with the water. Like Mexican water gives you the runs and Canadian water increases your funny by a slight percentage. Or at least, that's what they tell me."

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