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Wednesday, July 18


I thought it was fleeting. This feeling of permanence, this feeling of forever. And yet, the more time that passes, the more I know it's true. Right. Solid. Us. It's hard for me to describe, the sensation of my mind expanding, the sensation of my heart stretching. To fit you. And it's funny. It's funny and heartbreakingly beautiful. I didn't think it existed. I didn't think it existed. I didn't think you existed. And yet.

To fit all of this inside of me, to fit all of these things that I am feeling, I am thinking, I am yearning to scream to the world, inside of me, seems impossible. Yet here I am. And here it is. And here it is that I will describe to you the indescribable. That I will fathom the unfathomable. That I will desperately attempt to capture and pin the existence of something I never knew was real. For all the world to see, I will capture and pin it. On a piece of paper. On the back of an old Barnes and Noble receipt. On the inside of a dirty napkin.

On what I do it is irrelevant. It is what I capture and pin that holds everything I was, everything I have hoped to be, everything I am. All of me. From the back of my mind, from the bottom of my soul, from the very essence of what my existence is, I will pour these words, feed these words into permanence. I will make them real because this is real. I am real and you are real. But never more real than when we are together. When we are us. Not you. Not me. But us. And isn't that enough?

It is. It is enough. And it is love. Love.

There. So I've described it. I could write all the words in the world, I think all the thoughts and I could say everything that there is to be said; but it would come back down to that one word. To that one word that has not only changed me, but created me. Has piled the dust of what I used to be and made a human being. Breathing, living, praying, hoping, this human being will go through life doing so much. But loving. Always, always loving.

I love you. And I thank you. For everything you have done, for everything you have yet to do, for everything. Thank you.

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