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Monday, November 19


I honestly feel that the world is coming to an end. There are too many people dying. There are too many people being born. There is too much suffering. Too much destruction. Too much chaos. Not enough food. Not enough love. Not enough care. Not enough clothing. Not enough water. Not enough land.

Why is there so much of what we don't want and so little of what we need?

I don't want it to be like this. I want things to be better. I want things to be better.

Why do I cry while I am laughing? Why do I laugh while I am crying? Why do all these emotions come and go and are constantly followed by me zipping myself up and becoming who I never wanted to be?

And why do I worry about how I feel in a time like this? I am not homeless. I am not lost. I am not hungry. I am not naked. I am not. I am not. I am not.

And yet.

How can I ever help anyone when I don't even know how to begin to help myself?

Why am I always apologizing to everyone? To strangers. To acquaintances. To friends. To professors. To classmates. To family. To friends. To you.

Why? Because I am sorry. And I don't know what I can do to stop being sorry. Why am I always doing so much wrong? I try so hard to be good. I try so hard. I try so hard.

I just want to be able to understand.
I am writing on the left side of the pages now.
Forever going into my past.

Because I don't know anything else.

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