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Thursday, November 29


I cannot be mad about something that cannot be changed. And I am not mad. I am sad. I get so sad. And what am I supposed to say? There is no blame. There is no blame. Some things just happen. And they happen. And we regret them. And we move on. Is it okay for me to be sad? I think it is not-- but still. I am here. Feeling everything I should not be feeling, saying nothing I should be saying, doing all the things except those that I want to do. Because I don't know if I feel okay with things anymore. Not anymore. I never knew. Because something can be so okay and then, in hindsight, be not okay. And I feel like if that had never happened, this would have never happened. Of course things would have been different. Of course. But maybe with good different, there would have also been bad different. But no. But no. But no. That is not the point. The point is that it does not matter. The point is that it's over and it's unchangeable and so what if I never expected it when it all began? I know it now and I know it and I know what it means and I know what it doesn't mean and I should just accept it. But still. I think about it. And it makes me sad.

But still. I am illogical. I am irrational. I am emotional. I am human.

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