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Monday, December 17


Last night was good. But not just Snappy Cas, but afterwards. That's the real stuff right there. The good stuff that means more than dressing up and having superficial conversations with people you much rather sit down with and actually talk to. Last year, that was really good and really fun. This year, all I was thinking was, "As great as this is, I don't have time for this. I want to know real stuff. I want to have real talks. I just... need it." 

Because I don't have time. I  never have time. I'm always saying goodbye to someone, somewhere, for some amount of time. And it's just... Exhausting. I hate goodbyes. From the time I was five, I have always hated goodbyes. But now it seems like I'm being forced to face them. To face the fact that sometimes, you just have to move on. Which is good. But not right now. I want to be able to give you a normal hug that means "See you later," instead of a really tight hug that means "See you in five months." 

And I'm so happy that I'm going to see my family. So unbelievably happy. But why can't I see my mom and dad in the morning, hang out at Lauren's house in the evening, and then kiss James good night? Why can't I do that?

Because it's life, Satpreet. And it's about time you learned to live in the present.

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