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Thursday, January 3


Okay. So let's be real. Let's be honest. Let's be. Very. Up front. There was a time, not too far back, that everything that was blue was blue and everything that was yellow was yellow. But now, everything seems to be a different shade of green. Yellow green, blue green... Do you catch my drift? Do you follow my train of thought? I'll make this imagery and thought process very simple for you, just so you'll understand. Because I care.

No. Not about you. About me. Selfish? Yeah. But everyone is selfish sometimes. Speaking of selfish sometimes, you're selfish a lot of the time. Really, don't come to me for advice if you're going to say the word "fuck" to me in a mean sentence that I really rather not hear from you. Because really, that hurt me a lot. And it changed a lot. There have been some very rude and hurtful things you have said to me in the past that I let go because we're similar, because we're friends, because I love you.

But this. No. Just the wrong timing for you. For me. For us. I gave up a lot of time and thought and care to give you what I gave you, to take from you what you wanted me to take. And then, when I am doing precisely what you told me to do, you say that. And you know what? I'm sick of it. I get it from everyone. And for some reason, I'm just not ready to take it from you.

I don't know why that is. Maybe because I didn't expect it from you. Maybe because you counted as one of the last ones. One of the last people who I actually stayed in contact with and cared about and thought were more insightful than that. But hey. It was your choice. And it is now my choice to hold a grudge. 

But I will. I will. Because it is what I do best. It's so easy to be angry. And easy is so attractive.

Already, I feel regretful for saying those things about you. Because you aren't selfish. And yes, what you said was really rude and really hurt. But I'm a forgiving person. I say I hold grudges, but I really don't. You know what I do? Nothing.

You know why? Because I'm extremely passive-aggressive. Beyond my obvious bitchiness, my blunt and very obvious rude comments, when something is really bothering me, I am quiet. I am quiet.

And that is how you know you've lost a friend in me.

(And why is it that all of my feelings can only be explained by colors? I feel like I am always painting with my words and writing with my paint. That's aggravating.)

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