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Thursday, February 14

Someone.

I just need someone to talk to when my head is spinning and the world is spinning and everything is spinning inside of it. I just need someone to talk to when I am feeling serious and philosophical and certain that the answers to all the world’s problems are out there, I just have to concentrate. 

It is so hard. Because there are so few people I feel comfortable with on the phone. So few people. But there is no one here. There is no one here to be serious and philosophical with.

It’s like convergent evolution. I am trying to force the few people I know to fill the niches of everything I am missing in my life. And it is not working. Evoltion like that takes millions of years. An isolated environment. And these people are not isolated. I am. But these people are not.

So now I am teaching myself to fill all the niches of everything I am missing in my life. But I am inadequate. I can not have a phiosophical conversation with myself. I cannot dance silly with myself. I cannot make Intellectuals Unite work by myself.

I need help. I need assistance. I need friendship.

Of the not superficial variety.

I just want someone to talk to. Someone to listen and understand and relate to the ways I feel about the world and thought and the human brain. I want someone to talk to until I fall asleep.

These are the things that I want. These are the things that are so out of reach.

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