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Thursday, March 13


I am going to start free-writing again. So here it goes. (This one was revised once.)


I am a faded green. A faded blue. A faded color of the sea, as if the sky has turned grey and there is nothing left to reflect upon the person I used to be. The sound of the waves has disappeared, replaced by the constant buzz of the universe collapsing in on itself. I am empty, the water that once made me sucked into oblivion, places beyond the end of time, where there is no need for a voice that may not blend with the millions that have come before, will come again, and will surely lead to the demise of everything the world once was.

These voices. They fill my ears, my mind, my thoughts.

And I am drowning. Drowning within myself. Within my sorrow, my grief, my inability to let go of the inevitable. Gravity is pulling me and I am, insignificant and pathetic, resisting. Determined, I am resisting the stretch of my limbs, the release of my muscles, the strain in my heart. I close my eyes and shut my mouth and hope to dream.

Go away.

There is nothing to do but float. And floating, high above a vast and endless ocean with no color, no life, no sound, no indication of what I used to be, I will close my eyes and shut my mouth and hope to dream. Hope to ignore the pulling, the buzzing, the end.

I see the horizon in the darkness of my eyelids, a thin line that connects me to everything that I have ever known – ending at this exact moment in time. And in this moment, there is no dialogue, there is no music, there is no dramatic uprising in events that slowly fades to darkness. It is only the release of my limbs, the absence of gravity pulling me apart and, instead, sending me down. I sail to the surface of the water, where I plunge with so little impact, that the water fails to part to accommodate my fall.

Sinking in the colorless sea, I feel the pressure of all the world’s water surrounding me. And as my hair floats around my face, my arms stretched, my palms facing the sky, I close my eyes and let myself go. Because it is in life’s quietest moments that life is created and destroyed.

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