Risen.

I don't know if you're willing to do the things for me that I do for you. I am sad. I am sad. I am sad. You are sad. You are sad. You are sad. We are sad people. I want you to talk. I feel like you don't want me to talk.

I don't know why I question things so much. I just do. I just do. I just do. You just don't. You just don't. You just don't. I want you to. I want you to question things more. I want to question things less. I want there to be balance and understanding. I want there to be forever.

BUT I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. I learn pointless facts, stupid things. I can pass every test in the world and still be completely unaware of what life truly is. Why am I here? Why am I here?

Is it fear of losing what I don't want to lose? Is this fear trapping me, or is it just a part of growing up, this loss of idealism and settling for what life is.

I was never going to be one of these people. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, not next week, not twenty years from now.

But it's too late. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I would like some answer, please. 

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I just don't want to be so afraid. I want to be able to get up and go and know that life will be okay. But one can never know that. That's why so many people refuse to get up and go.

I don't want to be one of those people. I want to be free. I want to be yellow. I want to be in the back of a convertible on a sunny day with my arms extended and my eyelids full of love.

That's what I want to be. I just don't know the ingredients or the directions to end up with that cake.

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Ha. How clever. (whatever)