I was kidding about the pig thing. Mostly.

I'll be honest. Swine flu is kind of freaking me out right now. The United Nations have already labeled it a stage four pandemic; and I think it's only a matter of time until it's stage five. And do you know what stage five means? It means that bad things are going to go down.

I worry for my family in California; but with cases starting to be confirmed in Ohio and Indiana, it would seem that no one is safe.

This is why I should have chosen to live in an isolated vegetarian community in Canada years ago.

We should do like the Egyptians and slaughter all the pork. That's all I'm sayin'. Animal rights be damned.