I do not have the energy to blog. Knowing that you are not out there, in your nice house with your little kids running around your legs, your beast of a dog in the backyard, with a cake in the oven, reading. That you will never read it again. That you will never email me and ask me, "Hey. Sounded sad today. Are things okay?" Or "Hey. Sounded happy today. How's James?"
When that day comes, there will be an empty chair where you were supposed to be, filled with all of the love that I did not have a chance to give, all the smiles I did not have a chance to share, all of the emails I did not have a chance to neglect to reply to until you demanded that I did.
I don't know why you did it. All I need to know is that it had nothing to do with me. All I need to know is that it is what you did and it is how things ended and now you are gone. Gone, gone, gone.
And I never had a chance to say (so many things).
1 comment:
It was nothing to do with you.
If you need somebody to talk to/at/with, you can always call me. I will be back in Michigan soon. You can talk to/at/with me in real life, if you want.
(I don't know if I can say anything else that would matter right now. I love you. I hope you're okay. It was nothing to do with you.)
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