Home About Me Contact Tumblr

Wednesday, June 1

I feel silly and silly and sad.

Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot. Accidentally made a very long, very personal private post public for about twenty minutes. If you read it, please eradicate it from your brain. If you cannot eradicate it, please alter the memory, so that Dumbledore may never fetch it from the depths of your mind.

But seriously. I feel shy that anyone may have read it. But I suppose it was very honest. And it was kind. And it was supportive. After everything, it was supportive. Because that's in my nature.

Can I just say that (almost) everything I've learned about myself through this break up has been good? Even when I am so hurt, so sad and so confused, I care about the people in my life. I care and empathize with them and am concerned for their well-being. Even if they hurt me. And I am strong.

Last Saturday, after the art fair, my friends told me that I was a survivor. At that time, I didn't really believe them. But now I do. I've been through a lot. With family, friends, moving, identity, culture, college, money -- I have been through a lot. But I'm a fighter. I fight for what is right, not only for me, but for the people around me. I try to genuinely be good and do good things. Sometimes, I suck at it. Sometimes, I really fail. And sometimes, I get so judgmental and mean and sour. But I'm aware of these things and am trying to work on these things.

And that's so important. Self-awareness, I've realized in the past week, is a trait that I am really proud to have, and a trait that will be necessary for my future significant other to have. It doesn't matter how many flaws you have, how much you struggle, how much you doubt or fail or whatever (to a certain extent) -- if you are self-aware, there is always, always hope for a better you.

I have hope for a better me. I do.

No comments: