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Wednesday, June 15

I gave until it hurt. And I want to do it again.

Throughout this process, many people have told me that, now that I am single, I can take the time to be more selfish. To think about myself and do things for myself. And I understand where they are coming from. I really do. But the thing is, I really love to care for other people. It's something I learned from a four year relationship where both people had to give so much. I like making dinner, writing letters, giving massages, giving small surprises, and making someone laugh. I like to know that I can improve someone's day, even if it is by doing something as simple as buying a surprise pack of K-Cups with my food stamps.

Ultimately, it is selfish, because caring for others makes me happy. And in the past few weeks, I have been internalizing some of those instincts and focusing on making myself happier. Collecting care and comfort from the people around me, allowing myself to be taken care of, even if it is hard sometimes. It's been good for me, undoubtedly. But I don't want to live my life, or even the next few months, like this. I want to live for myself, but also for others. I want to give, give and give at least as much as I have taken in.

I think this quote by Francis Chan, who actually gives sermons close by in Simi Valley, really sums it up, "And like our Savior, who poured out His life and blood so we have reason to rejoice, we were made to lay down our lives and give until it hurts. We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves, because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that, on our own, we are not capable of. This is our purpose of living. This is our hope."

Full disclosure, for those of you who might not know, I am not writing this from a Christian perspective. But I do respect Jesus Christ, what he did, the message that he brought, and the goodness that he inspires in people all over the world

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