I have seriously big life news to share with everyone: My laptop is not plugged into anything right now.
That's right, friends. After two years of going strong with a laptop battery that held less electrical charge than a third grader's hair at the end of slide, I got myself a new battery.
I did it. I just did it. I was walking to work, and I walked past the Apple store, and I stopped, considered, and kept walking. Then, half a block down, I stopped, turned around quickly, almost ran over an old woman, and I just marched in there, grabbed the battery, took it to the counter and said, "I would like to purchase this, puhlease."
AND I DID IT. I BOUGHT THE BATTERY AND MY LAPTOP JUST TURNS ON AND THERE ARE NO WIRES COMING OUT OF IT ANYWHERE AND IT FEELS LIKE MAGIC.