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Wednesday, August 19

It's hard to ignore it when you're surrounded.

So far, my whole living arrangement in my house kinda stinks. I just feel like the other two girls I'm living with kind of see our house as a place to put there stuff, while I really want it to feel like a home. A place that looks unified and clean and warm. When I came here on Saturday, the place was a complete mess, and they had only been living here for two-three weeks. They had hardly unpacked anything and there was a cat living here. A cat. Despite the fact that I made it very clear that I am allergic to cats.

I don't know. It's just disappointing, to say the least. So now I'm going around and vacuuming and scrubbing counters and sticky spots on the floor. I feel like a mother to two children who don't even know me very well. Okay. So I feel like a maid. Who has to pay $25 a month for television she doesn't plan on watching and internet she can't even use, considering the fact that there is no wireless router (Right now I'm using "Open Eastside Access" to connect, a server that gives me two bars occasionally).

There's not even a garbage can in the kitchen. Just a giant tub, like the ones we used to use to store files in on debate team. And we have two squares of counter space, one that is occupied wholly by empty bottles of alcohol, the other which is dominated by a huge coffee machine. My main concern is cooking in a kitchen so filthy and ill-equipped, a concern they obviously don't have, since, when I moved in, the only things in the refrigerator were pop bottles and condiments.

I just feel stuck. Stuck and cheated and sad. I feel stuck in a situation all by myself with no one on my side. I feel cheated out of yet another good college experience. All I wanted was a clean and courteous and friendly roommate. That seems like a simple request, but wherever these roommates are, they have eluded me once again.

I want to sit down with them and talk about what we all want and need from this living arrangement and try to work something out. But I'm passive aggressive and shy and mostly a coward. And ain't that the truth.

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