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Wednesday, June 22

I have embraced my emotions and my past. And I cry. But I am happy, and I am proud.

I dreamt of us last night. But this time, I was not punching you over and over again, or asking you interview questions, or watching you be pulled into dark and ferocious waves. Nor was I dreaming your dream, the one of us on the swings in the trees, where in my version, you watched me fall without trying to catch me at all. No. Last night, I dreamt of us as we used to be. We were lying on a bed, our noses touching, smile lines out. I was touching the smooth part of your cheek above your beard, and you were intermittently tickling me. 

And I woke up happy. Because that is the person who I will remember, and those are the memories that I will cherish as I move forward with my life. You told me that you had changed. I just refused to believe how much. Now, faced with the reality of everything you've done in the last month immediately after dreaming such a beautiful dream that was our reality for four years, I see how drastic the change has been. Because that person, that person who was tickling me, gently, on my side, is not the same person who has treated me as you, in your current state, have.

I am human. I have emotions; I have dreams; I have feelings. The person who I loved for four years would have recognized that. The person who I loved for four years would have treated me the same way that he treated the girl who dumped him numerous times and cheated on him when he met me. Gently, and with respect. If not out of love, then out of concern and care for another human being. For a friend.

I am human. I have emotions; I have dreams; I have feelings. And my only crime was that they were tied to you. And for that, I refuse to apologize.

4 comments:

Katie said...

I'm proud of your strength of character.

Anonymous said...

Me too Satpreet. I am so proud of you for embracing your emotions and facing them head on. He unfriended you and all of your friends. He's the one who is running. Not you. You are stronger than that!

-Meghan

S. Kahlon said...

Thank you, friends. Your support has been awe inspiring for me throughout this whole thing.

Anonymous said...

"My only crime is that they were tied to you. And for that, I refuse to apologize." Remember that, SP. No one is perfect, but it seems like you handled your flaws pretty well. It also seems like you have reacted pretty well to the break up.

I forgot how beautiful your writing is.

Andrew